As a matter of fact, these Russian visa issues are a bit of a mess. “Come on, we understood that Europe, the United States put a visa on us, so who are these Russians who want a visa from us!” Don’t we give them their visas at the airport in two minutes? Even Putin said, “There is no visa problem in Turkey. Years ago, when I went, they stamped my passport as ‘slop’, no one asked where you were going, I rested for two weeks.”
This visa job can be a bit confusing. For example, in order to get a Schengen or US visa, you request invitation letters weeks in advance, you have your company’s forty documents notarized, you take out your bank accounts and title deeds, you wait in the visa queue for hours without taking your ass out. When the consular officer deems it appropriate and calls you to meet for questioning, you will recite three “kulhuvallah” and an “alham” and tremble “What if they don’t give you a visa?” You never even think about getting a tourist visa and going to a fair in New York or Berlin as a businessman. Because you know like honey that if your lie is exposed, you will be turned away at the airport, your name will be engraved on the blacklist and you will not be given a visa again.
But relax when the address is not Europe but Russia. Don’t get into trouble. It happens that you apply for a visa even one day before your flight ticket date. Although you are a businessman and you need to get a business visa, but what is the need for contraction? If you want to get a “business visa”, you will have to wait for days or weeks. An invitation will be sent from Moscow, you will wait for it, you will experience stress whether it has arrived or not, you will have to prepare a lot of extra documents. Is it worth it for Russia?
When there is a room on Istiklal Avenue, a table, a phone call to send a passport to one of the ‘tourism agencies’, pay three cents and get a ‘tourist visa’ instantly… When no one knows which cul-de-sac Moscow is in, mostly taken from fake hotels that have no place on the map, they are installed on the next day’s plane with a ‘voucher’ and fly to Moscow like birds.
When the Russian official at the airport asks, say that you are “us”. The passport police said, “Well, brother, you are a businessman, but your visa is a tourist visa. Don’t you know that you can’t enter Russia for business purposes with this visa? Don’t you know it’s a crime?” First of all, if your tongue turns, say “Ya nye znayu po Russkiy” or “No Ruskiy” without a shortcut and convey the message “Turkish gonuş, the citizen does not understand”. If no message is received, 1. remember the principles of the article and continue to humiliate the Russians. “How many cents does this man’s salary have! I’ll put $50 in your passport and let it leave me.”
Cry out when the police confiscate your passport and make you wait on the sidelines for hours. If you know his phone, call the Turkish Embassy and say, “Brother, a Turkish citizen is being treated here. You don’t lift a finger there! Your salary is paid by my taxes. Shame on you. Give up on Turkish citizens if even Russia can do this. Do you know what I know in Ankara? Come and save me or I will have you all sent to the embassy in the Democratic Republic of Congo.”
Don’t look for blame in yourself. Don’t ask yourself why you didn’t come with a proper visa. Don’t feel even an ounce of guilt. Look for the blame in “others” as always. Rise above the water like olive oil. “Russians are always causing difficulties to Turkish citizens, citizens of other countries are waving their hands and passing through customs,” whine about it. Do not think that the same sentences are often uttered at Sheremetyova Airport, in different languages, by members of dozens of nations.
Excerpt from Suat Taşpınar’s book Ways to Fail in Russia . Those who are wondering how to get a Russian visa and those who are planning a visit to Russia are strongly advised to read it. You can order the book in Turkey here .
This post is also available in: Türkçe